I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
