That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
