he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's never too late to be topless.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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