i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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