I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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