I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
