the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
