...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Randomize