If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize