Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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