you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
