Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
