This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
