Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
