I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
