She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
