If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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