I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
