he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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