just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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