I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
