I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
