Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
