just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
