Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
love makes seman taste better
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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