I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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