I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm both gender and math confused
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
