Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
