can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My vagina just recognized that song.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
