saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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