I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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