I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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