i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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