do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
