I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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