I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize