that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
