Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize