She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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