I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
