we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
