We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
