you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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