just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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