Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
