She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
