i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
