u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
