While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
