I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
