Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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