this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
