I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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