ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
