I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
