then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Congratulations! We have a period
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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