The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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