I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize
