i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
