I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
