im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
