All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
