He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
