were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
