perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
50% drunk capacity currently
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
