you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
