Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
