They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We are two peas in an std pod
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
