I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize