I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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