This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
