weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
