did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
