dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
