Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
