I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
